Watching last night's "Biggest Loser", I heard Jillian ask a contestant how he deals with things. He said, "Reactionary. With all the bad that's happened, it's the only way. Nothing has gone as I've planned." Jillian quickly responded, "Defense. You're on the defense." Talk about hitting home.
Growing up playing basketball and softball, I won "Defensive Player of the Year" every single year. I was taught "Defense wins championships. Defense is the best offense." Not only did I pride myself on my defensive ability, I took it to the next level. Only last night did it hit me just how long I have lived by that motto. Losing my dad at age 11 and being left with an abusive family, I lived defensively. I had to for my survival. If they couldn't get to me, they couldn't beat me down. It explained why I was constantly striving to be the best, to not be vulnerable or let anyone hurt me. It literally permeated every aspect of my life.
I felt like I was awakened when I heard Jillian finally put a name to what has eaten at me my whole life. Now, it's time to go on the offensive. Take the power back. Get back in the game. How do I do that? I do what makes ME smile. I focus on being happy and in the moment.