Screw the Scale

I'm so over the scale. In fact, I'm thisclose to tossing it out completely. Why? It's ridiculous. For the past two weeks, I have worked out, eaten with my calorie limit, eliminated diet soda, increased my weight intake and guess what? I "gained" nine pounds on the scale. Now, I know I did NOT eat 31,500 extra calories. It just didn't happen. So why is the scale showing my heaviest weight ever? My guesses are as follows: 

1. Low batteries - I've had it for awhile & even my husband has complained about it, but I just assumed his late-night Oreo addiction was the issue.
2. Defective - To back this up, I placed two 8-lb weights on it. It registered "zero". I also found that by moving it to different parts of my bathroom floor, I can gain/lose 15 lbs in a day.
3. My Endometriosis - This is the most likely cause of the "gain." With three miscarriages in the past 2 years, I am sure my hormones are completely out of whack. Unfortunately, my new insurance doesn't kick in for another month, so I just have to wait it out. 
4. Demon possession - The scale is clearly the devil, trying to control my emotions and self-worth by a number.

My guess is likely a mixture of all four, leaning most towards number 4. While I have a tendency to want to slide back into anorexia, something is different this time. I know I am lifting heavier weights, working out longer on the elliptical and taking the proper steps for health, not just weight. For some of us, the old "calories in/calories out" philosophy isn't quite that simple. Nice try though, weight gurus.