I Am Not That Girl

What a difference a month can make in a person. Without realizing it, exactly one month to the day of my last post about giving up, I took positive action. After making it clear to my husband that I am not happy with my weight, he said, "Hire someone. Missy if you can sell $2 million in real estate in 6 months, you can beat this." And you know what? He is exactly right. So, I called someone.

Yesterday, I met with Tony Maslan with Custom Fit Evansville. Being the one who always fixes everything for everyone else, it was the toughest thing I have done to simply make that call. But, I knew I needed to do this for myself and for my happiness. Pulling into the parking lot, I almost went home. My anxiety and desire to be "in control" made me think I was weak for asking for help. That's when I heard Jillian Michaels in my head, saying "You showed up. That's what counts." Breathing deep, I walked through the doors, praying I didn't see anyone I knew. Turns out, as soon as I walked through the door, I ran into two former radio buddies. One of them is actually a trainer now with Custom Fit and the other was a client. Instead of them reacting w/horror like I thought they would, they warmly greeted me and told me they were happy to see me. They both shared their stories while I waited for Tony, the owner. It was incredibly refreshing to have both of them there.

Speaking with Tony was an answered prayer. Finally, someone "got me." He understood exactly what I was saying when I talked about never being in the office for meals, always letting work dictate my schedule, not wanting to miss out on a client, etc. Most importantly, he got why I wanted to focus on inches and strength tests, not the scale. He said, "It's not about specific pounds. It's about fixing your mindset, building muscle and the pounds will handle themselves."  He told me about a client he's had for 14 years, 3 days per week who is a "big wig" here in town. He said the guy sticks with it because it is the one hour per day where someone else takes care of him. He doesn't have to plan the workouts. He just shows up. BOOM! I hear ya, universe. We discussed various schedules and I found myself unwilling to commit because I was worried my daily work schedule would force me to cancel. That's when it dawned on me that I was using it as a crutch, an excuse to fail. I ended up committing to 3x/week at 6 a.m. Crazy? Maybe. Radical? Somewhat. Absolutely necessary and doable? HELL YES!  

I start tomorrow & plan to use this as my daily journal/blog to track my progress and mental state regardless of who reads it. If I can survive losing my father when I was 11, an abusive mother and raising 3 kids that I never planned for, I can drag my happy ass to the gym early each day.